So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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