broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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