he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
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