This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
