he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
