Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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