remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
