Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
