So drunk its hurt
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
