that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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