Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Randomize
