we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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