Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
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