Who wears a wallet chain?!
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
