I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
