so explain again why im purple
no
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
