I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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