Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
