Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize