she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
