My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Buhtt sex?
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Randomize
