Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
