operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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