I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
