Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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