I showed him my bush... on skype.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
