I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
