My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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