When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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