In the future we'll all be gay
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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