my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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