his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
