Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
