I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
