if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Someone came in the potted fern
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
