Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Randomize