is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
