Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
