This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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