They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
