is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
