Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize