Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
