Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
