we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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