Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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