The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
