Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
