Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
