I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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