I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
