I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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