Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize