waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
