please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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