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how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
