I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
