Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
