why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Randomize
