Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
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