this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
