I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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