Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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