he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
