He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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