So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
My dick has a subreddit
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
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