All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize